“Dear past, thank you for the lessons. Dear future, I am ready.”
New beginnings always await all those who are brave enough to step out in faith and try again.
One of my goals this year, and I think the most important one too, was to align myself spiritually. To be deliberate and relentless in my pursuit of God's will for my life.
To live your purpose requires one to be brave enough to dig deep within and address even those things that are perhaps not pleasant to face, you have to be willing to first be uncomfortable to get comfortable. In-fact the life of a believer I believe should be a life of commitment to transformation. We cannot be too attached to How we've always been.
In my pursuit for spiritual alignment I have become more deliberate about creating NEW behavioral patterns in my life and let go of old ones that do not serve me, my purpose or my family.
I shared this week on my instagram and Facebook pages that one such old patterns that I am working diligently on overcoming is unforgiveness. My version of forgiveness has always been that fake one where you say “I forgive but I’m still going to side eye you for what you did”. I soon realized that, that is not forgiveness and as such it does not serve the gift of forgiveness neither to the giver or the receiver.
I went through the uncomfortable process of tracing back the origins of my struggle to wholistically and fully forgive people and I traced it back to my absent father whom I had to forgive time and again. Every time he would walk in and out of my life when he felt like it, I had to face the difficult task of opening my heart up to him again.
Forgiving him became harder and harder with each instance of abandonment. So this "half forgiveness" became my fake protection and wall against his trespass. A part of me always knew that He would do it again so I had to find a system to deal with the problem. This, unfortunately, expanded and became my standard definition and method of forgiveness in all relationships.
But in order to fully submit to all that God promises, we have to be willing to surrender everything to Him. Often times we only surrender to God only what we want Him to perform a miracle on or what is comfortable enough for us to admit that we need help with. We justify some of the wrong patterns we perpetuate, we defend them tooth and nail. We'll say things like "God knows what made me like this", "I've been too hurt in my life and that's why I'm like this" etc. but this does not help us grow nor does it give us the peace and alignment we seek. Also, we pass on these behavioral patterns to our children who are innocent observers. Children are like sponges the soak up everything we do. Our reactions, they way we speak, they way we do things, everything and out of that they form a personality or character. The last thing I want to do through ignorance is to pass on to my children things that will later be stronghold in their lives. And so I had to learn a new approach to forgiveness.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness…
The gift of forgiveness is that it sets the giver FREE. And I want my children to always be free so this is one pattern I have to confront so as to not pass it on to them…
This is only but one example of the patterns that i am currently uprooting out of my life. My goal in this life is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be and for my kids to learn and observe from the creation and evolution of this new me and come out strong, happy and positive individuals.
And so I challenge and encourage you mommies to dig deeper this week and confront whatever patterns life has created in your life and do a clean-up of the ones that do not serve you, your purpose or your family.
Happy new week :-)
Till next time...
Mommy-ing In The City!