©2018 by Mommy-ing In The City!

On Overcoming Fear and Self-doubt…

December 18, 2018



Repost from early this year:


I read somewhere that successful people are decisive people! After much thought about this statement I started thinking honestly about where I stand in all of this. Truth is, I am a very anxious person. I tend to over analyse and over think things. Before I embark on any venture I try and ensure that nothing will go wrong. I go back and forth trying to make the stars align.


This is not necessarily a bad thing because it makes me very detail oriented and it also speaks to my patient personality.


But….I asked myself...What is informing the idea that something could potentially go wrong? I found that deep down in my heart I was holding a belief that I was capable of ruining things. This is a very subtle idea that does not harshly impose itself but nonetheless establishes itself in the heart and manifests when it is time to take center stage. That crippling fear comes to life when it’s time to make moves; especially big moves. Doubts of whether I am capable or suitable suddenly come up. However when my mind is unstimulated or is in a hibernating state then there is no fear of anything. For instance if I am sitting on the couch watching mind numbing TV nothing tells me that I could possibly miss the mark or ruin that moment. So I realized that in essence fear is self-sabotage. Fear and doubt are actually us killing our own potential and dreams before they even start.


It is so easy to cheer others on and remind them how great they are. Yet we want to shy away when we must apply this principle to ourselves. So I decided that before I get to 30 years of age this kind of self-sabotage must fall.


Here are 5 Things that help me overcome fear and self-doubt

  • Being decisive

 For me being decisive is taking action towards what I want. It’s taking steps no matter how small in the direction of my goals despite of what the little voice in my heard is whispering. It is holding myself responsible to quantifiable action towards my wishes. You see what I have observed about fear is that it holds you hostage and reduces you to dormancy disguised as “thinking about it”. What best way to break fear than to be active in the pursuit of your dreams rather than to nourish and cherish them as beautiful ideas in your mind. Now I just decide on a course, get started and correct myself along the way.

  • Morning re-affirmations

It’s amazing how well your day can go when you start the day by saying kind words to yourself. They say “Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love”. For me as a believer, speaking God’s promises regarding my life before bed and early in the morning keeps me motivated and awakened to the reality of how highly favored I am and that I am divinely made to be a co-creator with God. I am able to live in the truth that the universe is conspiring in my favor. So I set aside some time in the morning before the day gets congested to refurnish my mind with deliberate, positive thoughts and to speak the truth I want concerning my day because our words are material we build our reality with.

  • Planning

We all know the saying that “Failing to plan is planning to fail” right?!


When I know this all too well. Ever looked back at an academic year and thought I could have done better than that? I have. In my first year I failed a module all because I put away studying for later and my assignments were almost always done in a haste. I did not allow myself enough time to study before the pressure of tests and exams mounted. This was because I did not plan my time and distribute it well. This obviously made me feel all sorts of horrible about myself. This filtered into my adult life until I realized the price I was paying for going about life haphazardly was too much. Being a mom helped me so much in this. In-fact, motherhood did not give me much of a choice. You miss baby's nap time and you will have a grumpy baby/toddler. Or, ever had a baby cry for a bottle and you didn’t have boiled and cooled down water and now you had to calm baby down while his bottles cools down and your boob milk is just not coming to play either? It’s not fun. As a mom I have learnt to have everything lined up waiting for the time it will be needed and to also try and squeeze all the time I can get out of my day. This requires planning. I am happy that this discipline has filtered into other areas of my life as well.


  • Changed my attitude towards “Failure”

Life is full of setbacks, failures and disappointments. Things don’t always go according to plan. We can either see failure as another reason why things will no work out OR as information or a lesson along the way to the finish line.  I am glad that in my twenties I have learnt to perceive failure differently. When I experience hurdles along the way I have learnt to process the information, revise my strategy and start moving again. I have seen that consistency on course will lead us to where we eventually need to be. When I learn that I have not "Failed" but rather learnt  a valuable lesson through a rather unpleasant experience I  stopped blaming myself and rather look at how i can use that newly acquired knowledge to get back up again.

  • An attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes fear and self-doubt makes us think that nothing is happening, that we are stuck in the same place and that our best days are behind us. When we count our blessings daily we remind ourselves of how far we have come along the way. An attitude of gratitude is a reminder of what we are capable of and what we have achieved by utilizing the talents freely given to each and every one of us. It strengthens our faith in the possibilities that lie ahead. So now I count my blessings daily and name them one by one.


In essence this all comes down to what we think of ourselves. What image of ourselves are we holding in our minds and hearts? Whatever that self-image looks like, it’s changeable, and we must just ensure that the change is positive. We possess the power to destroy fear and self-doubt within ourselves.


Till next time…




Mommying in the city!


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